Mom demands 25-year-old daughter drive her to work after they start working in the same place, daughter refuses, claiming she needs space: ‘I'm living, breathing, and working with my mother’

Author image for Bar Mor Hazut
Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
Jan 8, 2026 6:00 PM EST

You can love someone dearly, hold them very close to your heart, and still not want to spend every hour of every day with them.

And that is totally okay. In fact, putting up boundaries when it comes to your loved ones is often a necessity, a crucial part of any relationship.

One thing many people struggle with is how to explain to the people they love that they need some space. Loving someone doesn't mean that we want to spend every single minute we have with them, but that can be difficult to explain to them without it being insulting. How do you tell someone, "I love you, but I need some time alone, I can't be with you all the time", without making it sound like you are tired of them?

Well, you tell them exactly like that. I love you, but I value my time alone, and I can't be with you all the time. It doesn't have to be difficult, and if they love you too, they will respect your needs. Hopefully.

The mom in the story below is having trouble accepting that her 25-year-old daughter needs her space. The mother-daughter duo live together and work together, and recently, even their shifts aligned, so they are together almost every single minute of their lives. The only time that they are apart at the moment is during their commute to and from work. Those 20 minutes are valued very much by the young adult, who needs to prepare for the day alone in her car. 

Recently, Mom thought it would be better if the two of them drove to work together, instead of taking two separate cars. That was the straw that made the daughter say to her mom, "I love you, but I need space", then refuse the request to car share to work. Mom, unfortunately, couldn't accept her daughter's need for some time alone and was not happy with the boundary she set. She accused her daughter of being selfish and childish, which is now causing a big strain in their relationship.

Is it okay for the daughter to refuse her mom's demands and continue to commute to work alone, or is she overreacting with her need for time away from her mother? Keep scrolling to read the full story…

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  • Serious senior woman driving car
    via Wavebreakmedia

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • AITA for not wanting to car share with my mother???

    So me (25) and my mother work in the same workplace and live together. Up until tomorrow we worked on opposite shifts.
    via loveliesab
  • Tomorrow she's coming on my shift and will be working my shift pattern in the same place.
    via loveliesab
  • I said at the start I don't want to car share. I use the time it takes to commune (20 minutes) to listen to music, prepare for the day, i sit in my car alone on break to decompress and the same driving home.
    via loveliesab
  • Well she's called me all the selfish and childish names under the sun. I'm supposedly the most selfish person in the world all because i want to take my own car to work which i pay for all my myself by the way.
    via loveliesab
  • I'm 25 and will be living breathing and working with my mother. It won't be healthy!!
    via loveliesab
  • It worked us being opposite shifts because i had indepedance and freedom that a twenty something year old should have.
    via loveliesab
  • I had more freedom when i was 12 and catching the bus to school by myself.
    via loveliesab
  • In front of people she has called me childish and she isn't having ny nonsense. I just feel so restricted and suffocated.
    via loveliesab
  • That car time alone was supposed to be my time and i'm apparently selfish for wanting space and boundaries.
    via loveliesab
  • So honeslty AITA for just wanting to drive to work in my car alone?
    via loveliesab
  • MattinglyDineen INFO: if you won't drive her does this mean she'd have to walk a long distance or pay for an Uber or something to get her to work?
    via MattinglyDineen
  • OP loveliesab no she has her own car
    via loveliesab
  • Young serious woman is driving a car.
    via skynesher

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • International-Fee255 NTA Maybe see if you can change shifts. Or you might be better off making plans and moving out. Sounds like your mother just wants a chauffeur to and from work. You should also consider if there is something you can do after work (gym, library) to extend your time away from home, it sounds like you are very unhappy.
    via International-Fee255
  • OP loveliesab i don't think i'd be able to swap shifts but it's always worth asking i guess. I have thought about the gym because on those days i'd have to say she'll have to take her own car because sim not com g straight home
    via loveliesab
  • dragonwolf60 At 25 why are you stilling living with your mother. I left as soon as I was out of high-school and off to university. Move 16 hours away by 25.
    via dragonwolf60
  • OP loveliesab i can't just afford my own place like that. i pay her money to live here but it's not that easy where I am to just buy/rent. I'd need a partner for that.
    via loveliesab
  • DescriptionFew6118 Nta. But if possible, it may be time to move into your own place.
    via DescriptionFew6118
  • Desert_Sox Mom - It's exactly this reaction that makes me not want to drive into work with you.
    via Desert_Sox
  • Overall-Hour-5809 NTA. Maybe you should switch to the shift she was previously on. Or it's time to move.
    via Overall-Hour-5809
  • BlondDee1970 NAH. I understand her side that its a huge waste to be driving to the same place at the same time. It's gas, miles on the car etc. On the flip side it puts you in an awkward position of being linked to your mom all the time and no longer having the freedom of your car after work etc. You say you pay for your car but at 25 do you pay rent, utilities, food etc? Because if you want the privacy and privilege of an adult you have to not live off your mom as well. Does she have her own ca
    via BlondDee1970
  • blootereddragon ESH. She overdramatuc but you're also being a bit silly over this. Do you pay rent? If not its very fair to ask you to share gas/driving. I like my drive to but driving separately makes absolutely no sense. Some options: get your own place, especially since you seem to want more independence, or agree to drive together a few times a week instead of every day. Im sure there are days as a 25YO you dont go directly home: those would be you solo days
    via blootereddragon
  • Lanky-Use8910 ESH - if its so suffocating to be with her on a simple 20 min drive why do you live with her?... You're 25 and acting like a teenager. She s <s for trying to guilt trip you and insult you but you sck for not sɩ king up a 20 min ride to the same place like now you unnecessarily pollute the air with two cars going the same direction lol.
    via Lanky-Use8910
  • Leek-Middle ESH she shouldn't be calling you names and telling people that you are childish. You are living in her home at 25 years old and complaining about spending 20 minutes in the car with her. I don't know your current circumstances but if you are going to continue to live in your mother's house then you might just need to suck it up and carpool with her. It definitely makes more financial sense. If you want more privacy and time to yourself it's time to find a friend to flat share with or
    via Leek-Middle

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family drama commute privacy aita mother car work coworkers driving workplace family daughter parents children
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